Jealousy

Jealousy is such an unpleasant emotion! Most of us have felt that sick, painful feeling in our stomach at one time or another, telling us that something is very wrong. In my case, there have even been times when I felt jealous and I knew it wasn't right; that I had no reason to feel that way - but I couldn't make it stop.

The good news is that jealousy can be overcome. It may take practice, and there may be some situations that still trigger a little bit of jealousy, but you can reach a point where it no longer has the power over you that it used to.

Jealousy is based on some sort of fear or insecurity. It could be the fear of losing your partner, fear of being alone, fear of being inadequate, fear of change, or some other fear, based on past experience. Your first and most important task in overcoming your jealousy is to ask yourself:

...which may or may not be an easy question to answer.

If it's your partner that's feeling jealous, it's important to identify the fear beneath the emotion, without accusing or demanding. It may take some deductive questioning on your part.

Once you know what the fear is, you and your partner can work together to reduce or eliminate the fear. Eliminating the fear requires getting it out in the open and making peace with the possibilities. Make no mistake, this is a team effort. If your partner isn't willing to help you with jealousy, he or she may not be the best partner for you.

The other part of eliminating jealousy is something you must do on your own: build up your own self-confidence and happiness with your own life, partner or no partner. That way you will be less dependent on other people, which will go a very long ways towards making you feel more secure and less fearful in general.

On the following pages we'll help you identify your or your partner's fears, communicate with your partner to overcome those fears, and build up your overall security. If you need more help, we'll offer some useful books and professional resources so you can finally beat the green monster for good.