Practical Strategies for Living Without Jealousy

Many people tell me that although they get the jealousy-free mindset, there's a practical aspect to it that's still difficult. They get stuck on how you actually *live* without jealousy. In other words, once you've accepted (or almost accepted) your partner spending time with another person, what do *you* do in the meantime? How do you keep from sitting at home alone, fighting off jealousy and feeling lonely?

That takes us back to building up your own self-esteem and self-worth, by throwing yourself into life's activities with or without a partner. There are probably some activities that you like that your partner isn't so interested in. These are great areas to explore on your own or with other people. In my case it's electronic music. I love to go listen and dance, but my husband isn't interested. When he's out on dates, you'll often find me out at one of my favorite clubs or beach bars with electronic music. I also love to wander the streets of my city, Barcelona, and find some new nook or cranny to explore, a new wine to try, or a new restaurant. Or I just go down to the beach and watch the waves and people go by. Spending time with myself is a great chance to recharge and reflect on the many things that always seem to be going on in life.

I'm not always alone, of course. I don't date that often, but when I do, what a treat! I also have a few girlfriends and guyfriends who I can call up to go see a movie or go shopping or whatever. The key point is while I love spending time with my husband, I don't depend on him to entertain nor keep me company all the time. Don't get me wrong - many people think I must be bored with my marriage if I can spend time without him so happily. Not true. We always find or schedule time for just us two, to do all the normal things a couple does, because we really like each other and we love spending time together. But we both know it can also be fun to do some things separately, and then come back together to share our adventures with each other. That keeps us growing and learning from each other all the time. I think many couples who are bored in their relationships aren't getting out enough on their own to explore whatever it is that interests them.

So...it's time to reflect on what you like to do, used to do, or wish you could do. Once you get started, the list could be pretty long. Follow your instincts, (and your budget). Maybe you just need some quiet time to yourself to read and take bubble baths. Or maybe there is a friend or two out there that you've been wanting to catch up with. Maybe you'd like to explore some polyamory resources to learn more about it. Or maybe there's a hobby or activity you left behind, or want to try for the first time. This is your one and only life, so make the most of it! Who knows, you might meet some new friends, or even someone you want to date. If not, however, you'll definitely have fun doing something you enjoy.

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